Preparing yourself mentally, emotionally and physically for the New Year is no simple endeavour. Many of us grow extremely overwhelmed when trying to sort through all the aspects of our behavior and habits that we’d like to reboot or eradicate. This can be particularly stressful when you want to feel 100% successful. So, how can you create and upkeep New Year’s resolutions that can be in harmony with your perfectionism? Great question, let’s explore all your possibilities!
Fearing Failure
As a person struggling with perfectionism, you may have already created the perfect list in your new calendar or journal, with perfectly balanced columns for each compartment in your life. Making these lists are often empowering and encouraging for a foreseeable optimistic and productive future. But very often, what gets in the way of many perfectionists achieving their goals, is the possibility of not getting the job done at an 100% accuracy level. Many individuals struggling with perfectionism will tell themselves,‘I’d rather work for a few more hours on my computer than clean the house today,’ because they feel if they can’t clean the house with every room in their perfect order, and every corner wiped down to a glimmer, then they may as well not even try.
One way to beat the dooming fear of failure is to prepare yourself for the inevitable imperfections that can very likely arise while you’re working towards your goals. It’s valuable to keep in mind that many of the goals we set up for ourselves are not necessarily about hitting the bullseye, but about the steps and progress we make towards nailing that red-center-target. Perhaps it’s time we rewrite the definition of failure, call it progress, and acknowledge all the hurdles and achievements within the process itself?
Giving it your Best is Perfect
We all know no one is perfect. This knowledge isn’t a ‘get out of jail free’ card, but a reminder to ease off your self-critical banter and give yourself some credit already. Working towards being the best that you can be is great and you shouldn’t let go of that drive. Losing sight of yourself in the process of achieving your goals isn’t doing anyone any favors. Why give up just because of one, or a few mistakes? or because of obstacles that got in your way?
During these challenging moments try to keep in mind that:
1. You can keep pushing forward.
2. The beauty behind mistakes is the potential to learn from each mistake; learning here equals growth.
3. Obstacles and challenges make you stronger and wiser.
So, believe it or not, what may feel like a loss can actually be a gain. it’s all a matter of perspective.
Unrealistic Expectations vs Realistic Expectations
Studies have shown that only 8% of individuals who are determined to accomplish their New year’s resolution actually succeed. Naturally, when feelings of perfectionism arises, we want to be a part of that minuscule minority. But as a perfectionist, we should have realistic expectations for ourselves this year. How about being a part of the few perfectionists who know their own boundaries? How about using your perfectionism to set up goals you know you have the power and agency to achieve?
We often set up New Year’s resolutions because we want to achieve something we haven't succeeded in accomplishing thus far. To set yourself up for success, you need to take a close look at your own personal strengths and places where you have succeeded in the past. Your strengths and past experiences will guide you down a realistic path of change without great big failures interrupting your progress. Try to accomplish goals in which you actually have the capabilities and tools to achieve, rather than drawing on your weakness and inefficiencies. This way, you can avoid bullying yourself into notions of failure and incompetence, and actually feel a sense of progress.
Be Prepared to Reroute and Reassess
Though your goals may be as large as starting your own business this year, or as challenging as being more patient with others, get ready to place one foot in front of the other, rather than leaping up and over those hurdles until you’ve crossed the threshold, into the palace of achievements. Changing one’s character and behaviors take time. Don’t rush it. Enjoy the motion of moving forward, no matter how gradual the process may be. Focusing on intention rather than goals is an incredibly helpful approach when trying to make changes in one’s life. Focusing on intention rather than goals is less overwhelming and easier to control. External factors can deter us away from our goals, whereas very little can steer us away from our intentions.
Over time, if you’re focused and confident enough to keep working towards your goals or intentions, you may find it necessary to make some adjustments. There may be some internal or external factors, which you were not able to apprehend. But now that they have turned up, be ready to make those adjustments to continue moving towards your goals. For instance, let’s say you’ve decided to commit to a 30 day yoga course and on the 5th day something came up and you couldn’t show up to the course. Maybe you weren’t feeling well, or something got canceled, or took longer that week than usual. This isn’t a moment to give up on the 30 day goal, it’s a moment to accept the break, and repair the rupture once the time allows.
Don’t allow that inner critic to get you down. Instead, explain to that inner voice why today it didn’t work out, but why tomorrow, or next week it will work out. And most importantly explain to your inner critic why you are doing this for yourself. Let’s not forget to appreciate what we have achieved and how far we’ve gone. If there are some negative aspects you're focusing on, then their counterparts are out there willing and able to be the object of your attention too!
Some closing thoughts on New Year’s resolutions
It’s so important to be aware of our own limitations and to accept where we are today as an achievement in it of itself. Tomorrow is another day to continue to work towards our goals. Even if we didn’t get it right this time, there will always be more opportunities to try again. Set up practical goals for yourself that are not overwhelming; goals which you know you have the tools to bring you closer to succeeding.
Success is all in how you define it, and not in the outcome itself. Be kind to yourself. Rather than looking towards others to encourage or acknowledge your achievements, big or small, be your own caregiver, mother and father. Reassure yourself and applaud yourself when you’ve made it one step, one day, or one hour closer to your goal. If you can criticize yourself, surely you can praise and commend yourself too.
And lastly, know that you too, have the power to forgive yourself when you didn’t get around to running that morning, or when you didn't succeed in grounding yourself during a stressful day at home or at work. Working with perfectionism can either be debilitating or something to celebrate. How are you going to take care of yourself this year, and find pride in all that you achieve?
Let us know what you’ve accomplished today, or in which ways you have failed but how you nurtured yourself and recovered from that failure. We’d love to hear from you and share your experiences with the community!
More Blog Post’s you’ll Enjoy
Overcoming Perfectionism by Letting go of Procrastination
How to Move Beyond Shame and Guilt
How do you Set Realistic Expectations for Yourself
Overcoming the Belief I am A Failure
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